Christian Counseling Ohio | Cincinnati | Dayton

Parenting Through Difficulty

No doubt about it: parenting is hard work. Most things in life are easier said than done. Most parents parent the way they were parented. If the parents of the parent did not set good examples of how to be parents, how will the parent know how to parent? Learning by example is probably the primary way children learn how to behave. In order to overcome inadequate parenting, parents must become increasing aware of their parenting styles and motives and take responsibility for their own parenting deficits.

Good parenting begins before conception. A big picture goal to keep in mind from the day your child is born is, “I have eighteen years to transition this child from someone who is completely dependent on me to someone capable of making their own wise decisions.” This means good parents are always looking for ways to instill in their children whatever they know about how to live wisely. Letting go begins early. The day of conception sets forth a chain of events that propel a child towards independence from their parents. Parents need to grow and adjust to general life changes and changes within their child.

When this overall plan of moving towards independence is interrupted, children develop behavioral symptoms in an attempt to seek help for their family. Parents are like bicycle training wheels: they support and steady, but if they are not removed, they will eventually prevent the rider from experiencing what it is like to ride a bicycle. Under-parenting (neglecting) and over-parenting (smothering) both have serious side effects. It can be difficult to find the right balance between the two. Every child is different just as every family is different.

Family counseling helps parents connect with their child’s pain. The counselor takes on the role of a mediator, a go-between to help resolve differences. When families reach the stage where a child is acting out behaviorally, then a mediator can help the family sort through their confusion. The child needs someone to listen and understand their perspective and their pain. The parents need to be able to parent in a way that is helpful and does not further harm their child. Parents also need someone to listen and understand their perspective and their pain, if their parents did not complete their parenting.

Teens are adults in training. A lot of the time parents do not have a clear and objective discipline plan. Some parents do not discipline enough, some discipline too harshly, and some do not give their teen enough responsibility. Teens need respect as much as their parents. Wise parents will model what they want to see; they listen to their teens, giving them a chance to be heard. However, sometimes this process breaks down and the lines of communication are not open. The teen may be wounded and may not feel comfortable opening up to their parents. Counseling helps parents and teens open the lines of communication and develop a healthy relationship.